December 2010

I can't believe that it is already the Christmas season. I can't believe it has come by so fast. November was a hectic month for me because I had to have emergency surgery to get my appendix out. Painful and I don't recommend it. It was a little chaotic for me and especially for Wade and Noelle. Our lives got turned over backwards. It is not fun when the doctor told me I could not drive or lift anything over 50 pounds. You are talking about my day 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. It was very miserable not to be able to do anything for the month. I was very fortunate though for the tremendous amount of help from the women at the congregation I attend. There was always someone bringing my family dinner or cleaning up the house for me. I was and am still very appreciative for the amount of help that I had receive.

So, it leaves me with the month of December to get everything ready for Christmas. It's now Christmas break and four days till Christmas. I know the kids are excited. I want to do a lot of fun activities while they are home for the break. I am going to try to do these things, or just going to force myself and deal with the migraines. For the past couple weeks I have been having ongoing migraines. The doctor put me on some medicine finally but it seems to work but only for a short time and now they are coming back even worse and quicker. I'm going to stop using them and set up a appointment again to see what they can do for my migraines. I am also going to try to make an appointment to get my wisdom teeth out and get an eye appointment to check my eyes. Hopefully one of these two things will help my migraines or lessen them.

Wade and Noelle are doing well. They have just completed their first music recital with the instruments they play: piano and drums. Both were quite nervous, but they did a fantastic job. Wade also had a choir recital which he was a dancing reindeer. He got to perform at his school and at Barnes and Noble. Noelle had her first dance recital and she did wonderful. Here are some pictures from their fun events.

Four days till Christmas and I think I'm doing okay. I still have wrapping to do and Christmas baking but that will get done. It has to get done especially for Santa. Wade is excited about Santa coming and we need to make sure we have sugar cookies and milk out for him when he comes on Christmas Eve.

I am excited though for this Christmas. My dad and his wife are coming with their friend and they might have my Grandma comes if and when she makes up her mind. My mom and her husband are suppose to come, but my mom says she has not been feeling good, so we will see what happens. Good night all and all a good night.

What a busy life that keeps me going. . .

As most of everyone knows, I have finally graduated from school. This is a huge relief for myself and especially for my children. They can somewhat have a normal life again without the stress of my busy life as a student. As of now, I am still looking at my options for the type of job I want to get into. I would really enjoy working with children, as that was what I did for my internship. I really enjoyed going to McLaughlin Youth Center and observing the employees and the children that were in there. At this moment though, I am enjoying my time with my children and the activities that they are doing since my time slot is now empty.

Noelle has started dance and she LOVES it! She has been waiting ever so patiently for me to finish school to start dance. This was a promise I had made with her while I was attending school. Every Saturday is the day she gets to do her dancing moves and she is also doing tap dance. She really enjoys both of these and I am glad that she loves doing this. Noelle also started Girl Scouts last Friday. This was also a activity she has been wanting to do ever since Wade started Cub Scouts. I am happy that she is happy with the activities that she is able to do. The school year started and Noelle started in the First Grade. I can't believe that I have a first grader! Noelle is such a bright and beautiful little girl. My sweet pea is growing up so fast.

Wade is doing several activities at the moment. Fortunately, a couple activities will be ending at the month, so that leaves us some more time during the evening for us. Wade also started a new school this year. He is attending Northern Lights ABC school. From what I hear about this school, it is a highly recommended school that focuses on the academics and is very structured and strict. This is a new environment Wade will have to get use to, but I know he can do it. He also is doing some after-school activities; the running club and soccer. These activities are only for a month, but I am happy that he wanted to get involved with some of the activities at school. Next week choir starts, and that is something Wade really enjoys. Wade is currently doing drum lessons. He just finished his third lesson today and by the looks of it he is on his way to being truly successful at playing the drums. His teacher is very impressed to see where he is at especially for a new person playing the drums. He is real excited about this and enjoys playing the drums. Justin and I are going to be looking at a electrical drum set that is at Costco, I believe. Wade is starting Cub Scouts as a Webelo 1 and I am going to be the group leader. It is unfortunate that there is not a lot of parents that would like to volunteer their time to a activity that their child is involved in. His good buddy from church is thinking about coming to join our pack, so that will be wonderful. Wade and his buddy are great friends.

Both Wade and Noelle are doing swimming, which by the way they love! Wade is excited about how well he is doing and I am very proud of him as well. Noelle is getting it, but at a slower pace. She has problems with getting water in her face. She doesn't like, but after a few more lessons she will get more comfortable with the water and then it won't be such a problem for her.

I can't not express how much I love Wade and Noelle and how proud I am of them with everything they do. Of course, there is always the rough days, but the good days are always the ones I'm hoping for. Well, until later . . .

Life in General

Life always seems to surprise me. It seems like there is never a dull moment in a person's life, even if they believe their life has no surprises for them. Wade and I went to the annual Life Alaska Donor Family dinner today. It was very nice how everything was set up to honor the ones that have died and with their organs/tissues let others live on with such a generous gift. Some recipients shared their stories with everyone, and they were very emotional for them and for everyone that was listening.

The one person that I enjoyed listening to was a woman who had lost her husband and was a organ donor. It was nice to hear her story and share how she was doing with her grieving process. Granted it has been seven years for her since he has been gone, but she has her moments when she thinks of her husband. I enjoyed how she said that she is a "expert" in the grieving process. At first she discussed, she never thought of herself as an expert and near the end of story, she discussed we are all "experts" in our grieving process. This woman had went to a Transplant Olympic Games and was so amazed at the support donor recipients had for her and that everyone was so loving and thankful for donors and their families.

The one thing that I enjoyed about her story was that when she discussed her time at the games, her name tag listed her name and then below "Donor Wife." She just wasn't a widow, but she was a "Donor Wife." In some way that really touched me and made me think that I don't really have to be referred to as a widow but I can be referred to as a "Donor Wife." I think I do like the name better than being referred as a widow.

When I hear the word widow, I just dread that word so much. I would never imagine having someone be in the position that I am in. It's hard to imagine my life without Billy. Life doesn't move backwards or stay in time, it moves forward, even if we don't want it to. Life goes on and so do we. There is not much we can do about that. Life can be hard and life can be easy. Life is what we make it to be. So, I think I want to try something new in my life. This will be a goal for myself. Yes, I will have hard times, bad days, but I will do my best to stay positive and happy, and just appreciate my life, even if it is for one day more. It's important to be thankful for the moments we have in life and do what matters most importantly. Mine would be to live each day being thankful to see my children grow and having them by my side for the good times and for the hard times.

I like to say that I am not just a widow, but I am a donor wife. A donor wife that is extremely proud of my husband for always being a giving and loving person to his friends and family, and most importantly to me and our children. Billy didn't just leave this earth with nothing, but he left behind a gracious gift that helped others live on with a long and happy life with their families. There is no other gift that is greater than that.

To you my dearest husband, I love you with all my soul and that I miss you terribly. The life we had together I am great fully thankful. Thank you for giving a selfless gift for others. Through your gift, you let nine people live a long healthy life. I am hoping and praying that they are cherishing your priceless gift.