Life in General

Life always seems to surprise me. It seems like there is never a dull moment in a person's life, even if they believe their life has no surprises for them. Wade and I went to the annual Life Alaska Donor Family dinner today. It was very nice how everything was set up to honor the ones that have died and with their organs/tissues let others live on with such a generous gift. Some recipients shared their stories with everyone, and they were very emotional for them and for everyone that was listening.

The one person that I enjoyed listening to was a woman who had lost her husband and was a organ donor. It was nice to hear her story and share how she was doing with her grieving process. Granted it has been seven years for her since he has been gone, but she has her moments when she thinks of her husband. I enjoyed how she said that she is a "expert" in the grieving process. At first she discussed, she never thought of herself as an expert and near the end of story, she discussed we are all "experts" in our grieving process. This woman had went to a Transplant Olympic Games and was so amazed at the support donor recipients had for her and that everyone was so loving and thankful for donors and their families.

The one thing that I enjoyed about her story was that when she discussed her time at the games, her name tag listed her name and then below "Donor Wife." She just wasn't a widow, but she was a "Donor Wife." In some way that really touched me and made me think that I don't really have to be referred to as a widow but I can be referred to as a "Donor Wife." I think I do like the name better than being referred as a widow.

When I hear the word widow, I just dread that word so much. I would never imagine having someone be in the position that I am in. It's hard to imagine my life without Billy. Life doesn't move backwards or stay in time, it moves forward, even if we don't want it to. Life goes on and so do we. There is not much we can do about that. Life can be hard and life can be easy. Life is what we make it to be. So, I think I want to try something new in my life. This will be a goal for myself. Yes, I will have hard times, bad days, but I will do my best to stay positive and happy, and just appreciate my life, even if it is for one day more. It's important to be thankful for the moments we have in life and do what matters most importantly. Mine would be to live each day being thankful to see my children grow and having them by my side for the good times and for the hard times.

I like to say that I am not just a widow, but I am a donor wife. A donor wife that is extremely proud of my husband for always being a giving and loving person to his friends and family, and most importantly to me and our children. Billy didn't just leave this earth with nothing, but he left behind a gracious gift that helped others live on with a long and happy life with their families. There is no other gift that is greater than that.

To you my dearest husband, I love you with all my soul and that I miss you terribly. The life we had together I am great fully thankful. Thank you for giving a selfless gift for others. Through your gift, you let nine people live a long healthy life. I am hoping and praying that they are cherishing your priceless gift.